Changes.

Here comes a whole boat load of them.

We need to find a place to live within the next month. So here comes panicked packing.

We are working on finding a day care for Ronan that we feel comfortable with. So here comes the water works because I am leaving my baby boy.

We are switching from Coleman working 55 hours to 40, and me working 15 hours to 40. So Cole will finally be able to catch a break.

There is a lot happening in a short amount of time. To say I am not freaking out would be a damn lie. If ya know me, you know I tend to get insanely anxious. Although I have YET to have a panic attack. Not to say it isn’t coming, it is. I can feel building in my chest. It has been sitting there for a few days just waiting on making its grand entrance. Joy, I can’t fucking wait.

There is something a little different about le scenario. I am rather excited. These changes seem like they are some of the best moves for our family, mental sanity, and relationships. While this is going to be an extremely hard transition for us, it is more than likely for the best. Coleman deserves a damn break, the guy works his mother lovin’ ass off everyday. Ronan will probably love day care, with all the nonstop playing and interaction. Even though its going to break my heart, he probably won’t even notice. I am going to enjoy having work to do. Besides the whole managing our household and stuff, I need more.

So yes, the changes are scary, intimidating, and nerve-racking, but as of now this is what is best for our family unit. If all goes well we should all be in a better, and happier state than we are in now.

But here’s the catch, I am worried. Worried that I will struggle managing all of these changes. Worried that my love for writing and yoga will be pushed to the back burner and forgotten. These passions of mine have guided me through many hardships, accomplishments, growth, really everything. They are part of what makes me, me. To lose touch with them is a terrifying thought. I don’t want to lose myself in the midst of all these changes we are going through.

I still want to have a poetry book sent in for publishing by the time I am 26.

So I am going to try to keep doing what works for me. Waking up everyday at 6 am to write, read and to practice yoga. It has worked thus far and will hopefully continue to do so.  I still want to have a poetry book sent in for publishing by the time I am 26. That was a bet Coleman and I made, so I have to go through with it. I still want to make this blog into something special. I still want to become a yoga teacher so that I can share the light with others.

Those things are me. As well as many other hats that I wear. Like motherhood, being a spouse, a friend, a hard worker for an amazing company, as well as whatever other hat fits.

With all of these changes, I want to ensure myself that I won’t get lost. I will probably stray a bit, but damn it I don’t want to lose myself. I have come too far to just throw it all away.

Life is all about cycles, and this is a new one in mine. I got this shit.

Friends, have you lost yourself in the midst of sudden extreme life changes? How did you rekindle that relationship with yourself? Tell me your secrets. Give me some advice here y’all.

The image on this post is from Valentine’s day in 2017. About a million things have changed since then. So just more proof that were fucking resilient, right?

P.S. If you haven’t already check out my instagram for my poetry!

http://www.instagram.com/kandiceharlan_

XOXO,

Kan

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