Lately I have been struggling. Tirelessly searching to find balance in relationships with my family, friends and myself. I feel like I may be spreading my love to thin. These people that mean the world to me deserve much more than what I can give them. I am feeling all sorts of guilt and regret knowing they deserve more.
But how? How can I do more? Between keeping my sanity, chasing my toddler around, my partner, finding myself, and spending time with the other important people in my life… I can barely keep up. I am exhausted. It is like I need to make a planner devoting time to each and every person. How do people manage this?
I wish I knew.
Selfish. That is what comes to mind when I think about my role in relationships. Am I to focused on myself to be a supportive mother, friend, daughter, sister, spouse, etc. etc? Is that wrong? Is this level of guilt normal? Maybe I am just beating myself up. But I should probably make a stronger effort by reaching out to my friends more often asking how they are doing and if they’re happy, really happy. But then I also should spend more time engaging with my son. As well as putting more effort into my relationship with my spouse. Oh and then what about myself? Self-care also needs to be a top priority on my list. All of these things are very important.
It is a tad overwhelming. I suppose this is apart of growing up? Learning better time management? Is this a skill that I will eventually master? Or will it forever be a struggle to find balance? There are a thousand questions running through my head and I am anxiously searching for the answers.
The one question that stood out a little more than others was, “am I over thinking this”?
Per usual my answer was “probably”.
Finally a question I had an answer too. By taking a step back from this problem I was able to simplify it a bit. These people that I have chosen to keep in my life know me. They love me and they are there for me. They’re also busy living life too. None of us are perfect, but we’re family. We have maintained these beautiful relationships for quite some time. All while handling the ups and downs of life. We are all just trying to figure shit out together. Relationships are a roller coaster, and this is just apart of it.
Revisiting those thoughts has helped me understand that it is okay. It is okay for me to feel stretched thin, overwhelmed, and guilty. It is okay for me to be selfish and focus on my happiness.
We are not alone. We are all working on balancing things. We are learning, and we are growing. Figuring out this life thing ain’t easy, but it will sure as hell teach you some remarkable lessons.
To my family and friends, please know that I love you with all my heart. Though I may stray I will always come back. There is a reason each and every one of you are in my life. I am thankful that you have kept me in yours. Grateful doesn’t even begin to describe how I feel about having y’all in my life. I’ll talk to you soon.