It was five and a half years ago when my whole world shifted. I was free. Freedom was a new feeling for me, it was not the typical eighteen year old high on life feeling. My life would no longer be filled with hate, anger and abuse. No longer were the days of being terrified of going home because of the uncertainty of knowing if my father would be passed out on the couch or having a manic episode. I was free at last, or so I thought. It turns out that going through an extremely traumatic event that lasted eighteen years can put someone through hell and back even though the trauma aspect of the event is over. The fear is not guaranteed to go away, nor the anxiety, flash backs or self doubts. Being an eighteen your old with PTSD, depression, anxiety and major self-esteem issues was fucking hard. My time was spent searching for answers to my problems in all the wrong places. I was lost and did not know where to turn, but then I found yoga.
While yoga is not the answer to my problems. It was, and still is, a key element in shaping me to be the woman I am today. Practicing has taught me to pause and listen to my problems. It has given me a deeper understanding of who I really am. Yoga has been a guide on the journey to find my truest self. My daily yoga practice is the therapy that my heart and mind so desperately need to heal. The healing and awareness during my practice transcends into my daily life. Yoga brought awareness to the fact that I deserve to love myself no matter what. Finding yoga undoubtedly changed my life forever.
So much has changed over the years. As the seasons of my life change, so does my practice. It is an ever evolving consistency in my life. There has been periods of being obsessed with yoga and months of not even thinking about it. The beauty in having a practice is that even though I may not be moving my body, I am taking the time to just be present and quite my mind.
If you do not have a daily practice please consider it. While having one has not “cured” me, but it helped me understand myself. What do you have to lose? Not a damn thing. If yoga is not your thing just do what ever makes you happy and helps calm your mind. Do you enjoy playing an instrument? Reading a book? Hiking? Gardening? What ever it is do it, and do it with your whole being!